All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
