So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
