its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
high people should be assigned attendants
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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