you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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