Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
