My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
