Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
