Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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