Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
