just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
