Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
