believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
