Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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