I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
