Nicole vs. Life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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