Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
