and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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