carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
