He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
