In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
