I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
