apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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