did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
