i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
