I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
