TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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