Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
