How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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