Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
