it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
false alarm. still invincible.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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