My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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