Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
