He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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