My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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