Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
