Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
