His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
