How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
