yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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