There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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