We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
