I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
