I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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