i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
