Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
