Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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