I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
