remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
