today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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