mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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