You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
