god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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