haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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