once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
